With the General Election now running at fever pitch, my sources in South Thanet have taken to reciting:
"We seek him here, we seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
Is he in heaven? — Is he in hell?
That damned, elusive Pimpernel."
Of course, it's not the famous character from Baroness Orczy's Tale of the French Revolution they are seeking but rather our own missing 'Dr Who', Labour's very own Dr Ladyman, who is reportedly trapped in another dimension, on account of either being captured by the political Daleks or his Tardis having broken down somewhere between Westminster and Ramsgate. The Conservative volunteers don't believe it's fair that they should be doing all the campaigning on their own and without any real opposition to speak of.
Should anyone see our missing Member of Parliament for Thanet South, I would ask them to gently return him to his local constituency office before May 6th and collect a small reward. It may well be that like Dr Who, he has gone through some form of character transformation and may indeed believe he is now a Liberal Democrat but there's still time for him to make his presence felt, that 'That damned, elusive Pimpernel.'