Black is white and white is black. Well maybe, if you listened to the 'Ken and Mandy' show on Channel 4 News last night.
Meanwhile, more worrying news today, that the poverty gap has widened even faster than before under Labour and of course Harriet Harman is disappointed, as you might expect.
The good news, of course, lies in the announcement, not that Tony Blair is set to make another small fortune by giving a series of three speeches to one of the world's largest hedge funds but that reportedly the wiley Lord Mandleson has revealed that Mr. Blair will be back to fight the forthcoming General Election on the side of New Labour and Gordon Brown.
Now whether anyone, let alone a Labour politician, would want Tony Blair turning up to offer campaign support is a matter for deep discussion. I'm sure, there are a number of Conservative marginal seats that would be delighted if Mr. Blair hove into view to offer a stirring political endorsement of this government and his own record as Prime Minister. I can see Dr Ladyman writing the invitation now and I'll certainly turn-up to listen with everyone else if I can afford the fee.
Finally, if I had my time again, I might follow the stirring advice from a Gilbert & Sullivan opera and go to sea, not to join the Royal Navy but to become a Somali pirate, an adventurous life, where the hours are somewhat better and quite possibly the pay too. Apparently, possession of a rocket propelled grenade launcher and a small boat full of light and heavy weapons, isn't enough to prove that one is a pirate, hundreds of miles away from land in the middle of the Indian ocean. No, any intercepting Royal Navy vessel has to assume that you are an honest fisherman, casting out for your meager catch with high explosives and so it's only reasonable to detain you long enough for a quick medical check-up and a re-supply of food and water, before sending you on your way.
One former Navy commander said the Navy appeared to be operating a 'maritime welfare system' rather than enforcing law on the high seas.
Of course, in less enlightened times the Royal Navy would hang anyone with a striped-shirt, a wooden leg, a parrot and an eye patch, simply on suspicion of piracy, which is why Somali pirates are careful not to draw attention to themselves by dressing in this manner. I recall that a young Julius Caesar, having been captured and ransomed by north African pirates, returned with a fleet and crucified the lot of them in a very unenlightened fashion, which must leave pirates everywhere thankful for the Human Rights Convention that all civilized nations now follow.