Sunday, February 26, 2006

Tea With Mussolini

So let me see if I have the story right? Allegedly, a politician’s 'other half', just happens to be the investment lawyer for the very dodgy owner of a large Italian restaurant, AKA, ‘Mussolini’, being investigated by his friendly local public prosecutor for bribery, corruption and bent spaghetti.

Mussolini, out of gratitude for his lawyer’s excellent services, gives him a large brown envelope with £340,000 of 'readies' in it, as one does. That’s a bit of a problem over here these days, as one women discovered last week when she tried to pay £5,000 in cash into the Maidstone branch of the Halifax and was promptly arrested. So in order to smooth the investment and avoid all those troublesome money-laundering forms we have to fill in since 911, the lawyer, let’s call him “Kev”, arranges a mortgage on the home he shares with his partner, “Bev” for the coincidental amount of £340,000, allegedly.

Having signed the loan agreement with their Building Society, Kev and Bev are given a cheque which they reportedly pay into an offshore hedge fund, you know, the kind of fund that the Inland Revenue are really very interested in these days.

All of a sudden, Kev and Bev remember that they have that £340,000 that their old friend Mussolini gave them, gathering dust and interest in a second offshore fund. Well blow me, they decide that they don’t need that loan after all and after a couple of weeks, pay the full £340,000 back to the Building Society.

Mussolini is happy, Kev and Bev are both delighted with the clever wheeze and Bev’s boss, Tony doesn’t know about their good fortune until one day it makes the front page of his favourite ‘Beano’ magazine.

So what does Tony another good friend of Mussolini do? Hang Kev and Bev out to dry? Insist that Bev’s actions were entirely innocent and proper or simply give up and hand the office keys to his neighbour Gordon, who would really like to have that 40% of the £340,000 that Kev and Bev may have forgotten to mention at the Christmas party?


Anonymous said...

Years of misrule and scandal and slease. Wasn't this all meant to change in 1997? If my memory serves me well,prior to 1997, people caught out misbehaving resigned promptly. Since 1997 there have not only been more cases of slease and dodgy dealing but an arrogance to try and brazen out and then re-employment to Govt post/EU post courtesy of mate Tony. One rule for you and me; a worse one if you are Tory and no rules at all if you are a mate of Tony's.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is all a misunderstanding, as they had nothing to do with the Italians. They took out the loan hoping that some cash they were promised from a mate in Maidstone would come before they had to pay too much interest!!. Unreliable bugger though, left it in a bag in a van on the A299!!!.

Anonymous said...

Mandy, Byers, Blunkett, help me out somebody.. who else in the New Labour Hall of Fame?

Anonymous said...

What was the name of the minister 'mugged' oops cruising around Hampstead Heath?
Should the list be Mandy One; Mandy Two; Blunkett One; Blunkett Two?

Anonymous said...

I think you are all being very mean to Bev. Why, only the other day I was putting my husband's trousers in the dry cleaners and £300.000 in cash fell out of the pocket (big trousers!). It could happen to anyone. Last week he took a £500.000 loan on the roof over my head. I signed the forms and didn't ask any questions either!